BolognBleghhh and "Heir Sonntag: Savior of German Tourists"

So after going to sleep at 10 pm for the first time in several years, I'm feeling quite refreshed today. THANK GOD! I felt HORRIBLE yesterday, part physical cold/headache, part absolute disgust...I'll explain. Anyway, just found out they have blazingly fast wireless internet here at the campsite in Bologna....was going to leave this morning, but now I'm going to use this as base camp for one more day before I move on.
OK, yesterday I was dropped off at the rental car counter at the Pisa airport to pick up my car for the next 3 weeks. When I finally got to the front of that massive line, I was promptly told by the lady at the counter,
"Too Young. No car."
What the heck? I double checked with the car rental agency to make sure that the minimum age was 23, not 25. After much arguing, and my showing here the rental guidelines I (thankfully) printed out, I convinced her to call her corporate headquarters and ask them directly. It was at this time that these two 40-something year old German guys behind me started jabbing me in the back with their fingers telling me to hurry up like I had some control over it. When I got 2 inches from their faces standing over them and told them I'd squash their faces just like my country did to theirs 60 years ago, they shut up and LITERALLY walked to the back of the line (they were next) HAHAHAHA.
It was at this time that the rude car rental lady told me I was right about the age guidelines...double success.
When I finally got to my car, oh you have to see the pictures of the car, it took me about 10 minutes to figure out how the heck to get it to move lol. Once I did, I figured out that "automatic" in Italy is quite different from driving an "automatic" in the U.S. They haven't quite figured it out yet. It, sometimes, shifts to the right gear, but, usually, is a few seconds late and causes the car to jerk violently as it revs up the 57 horsepower diesel engine. So, I figured out how to drive the car as a "clutchless manual" and change the gears myself. It took me about 30 minutes to get used to it, and I have the hang of it now.
Anyway, I then proceeded to drive east towards Florence, through the grape and vegetable fields of western Tuscany, the, right before Florence, I changed direction to the north and drove through (literally, about 60 tunnels) these beautiful mountains of northern Tuscany and into the province of Emiglia-Romagna. I counted 27 castles on top of hills/mountains in my 2.5 hour drive and numerous other ancient walled cities and ruins of Roman aqueducts. The drive was beautiful, and highway driving in Italy was truly no problem. City-driving...a different story.
So after about 2.5 hours I reached my campsite on the outskirts of Bologna. No problem, except for very rude managers. I can deal with that.
When I was setting up my tent, this older German couple asked me if I could help them move their camper into position. No problem. I went over and pushed it into its spot.
I then went back to setting up my tent and the  heard with a stereotypical German accent
"Excuse me. You make strong on camper, ja?"
"Ugh, yah"
So I went and moved theirs and then went back to my tent. 2 minutes later,
"Strong man...(and this 70 year old looking German lady just pointed to her crooked camper)"
"OK, OK."
Thankfully, this was it. Each time I was pushing their campers into place, the old German people would pint to me and make muscles and nod their heads...I think I'm like some sort of physical manifestation of their old "perfect German Aryan youth" of years past, and I really excited them.
So, after getting all set up, I decided to try to find a supermarket to get some supplies and some ibuprofen for my now throbbing headache. I looked up the nearest supermarket in my Garmin Gps which was only 1 km away and set out...big mistake. Following the GPS perfectly, I somehow managed to drive into the Islamic section of Bologna (pretty much most of the city, I cam to find) and was driving around these little crowded streets getting death stares from the women walking around in burkas and their slave masters, I mean...husbands. So I finally, after going in circles for half an hour thinking I was either going to be the target of an assasination or crash into a Smart Car, I finally reached my destination and...no supermarket. Garmin sucks.
At this point I cut my losses and just decided I have to somehow make it back to the campsite alive and then just take the bus in from then on. Thankfully, after another half hour of traffic and death stares, I made it back.
By this time I felt like my head was going to explode. I could feel my heartbeat pulsating painfully in my forehead. The nearby sounds from the mosques (in BOLOGNA!?!?!) calling put the call to prayer didn't help either. "How often am I in Bologna, though? Maybe some great food will make me feel better."
So, I got on the bus and headed in to town. On the bus were these two sophomores from Texas A&M, actually, and we began talking. They agreed we should team up and we'll explore together and then get something to eat.... ehhhh
Once we reached the city center after about a 15 minute bus ride and got off, I felt like I was in a war zone. This was not the Bologna I expected. It was dirty, CROWDED beyond belief, beggers everywhere, street vendors hassling everyone who passed by, about 50% of everyone there was a Muslim immigrant, grafitti covering everything, punk rocker Italian youth running around everywhere having some sort of Che Guevara celebration, and just plain old nasty.
My headache suddenly got a lot worse...
I then went with the two kids from texas and we walked through this giant market into the main park where, apparently, we walked right into this massive group of dirty, hippie, punk rocker Italian youth who started screaming "riot" then went and jumped on these kids and started fighting and it was like this one giant, evil mosh pit. I got the heck out as fast as possible.
It was at this point that I had to get to a pharmacy to get some medicine for my headache and the two kids from Texas told me they would wait at the market across the street in plain sight...didn't see them again to much later.
So, at this point, I set out on my own and found nothing of interest. I must say, Bologna is my least favorite city in Eurpoe I've visited. I never thought anything could top the uber-expensive Euro-trach Mecca of Nice, France, but Bologna blew that place out of the water.
The food is supposed to be great, though, right? I decided to find a place to eat. I settled on this very crowded Trattoria I figured must be good. Everywhere else I passed by was pretty empty, but this place was happenin'.
I ordered some mortadella (a Bolognese specialty) some tortellini en brodo (tortellini soup - Bologna is known for its tortellini) and some tagliatelle Bolognese (meat sauce). Result: mortadella excellent, tortellini  sub-par, and bolognese was about what you would get at a diner in Jersey. Very disappointing...
So, at this point I decided I would cut my losses and get back to the camp. The coolest part of the night was when the 400 pound bus driver pulled out this leg of prosciutto from his bag and started carving off slices to eat at the stop lights...sweet. I tried talking to him, but he didn't understand a word of English.
So, I got back to camp, feeling like I was just about ready to pass out from the headache from hell and absolute exhaustion from the city and as soon as my head hit the pillow in my tent, I was out cold and didn't wake up for 11 hours.
Now, here I am. I feel 100% better and am ready to get going again. I have no desire to get back to Bologna, so I'm going to use the campsite today as base camp to visit Parma and Modena which are not too far away, and then tomorrow I'm going to get the heck out of this city.